MOCKINGBURGH POLL: WHAT WILL BE THE MOST COMMONLY-ASKED QUESTION AT THE NRA CONVENTION'S REGISTRATION DESK?

A) Does the Castle Doctrine apply to hotel rooms?

B) Do you want us to shoot the Pirates while we're here and put them out of their misery?

C) Where's Primanti Brothers? I hear they make a damn good sandwich.

MOCKINGBURGH POLL: SONG LYRICS

A new study of popular songs over the last thirty years shows that lyrics are increasingly narcissistic. What do you think of this finding?

13% - It wasn't like that when I was growing up

87% - Is this supposed to mean something to me?

HINES WARD REVEALS HOW HE LEARNS PASS ROUTES

Technique has proven useful for 'Dancing with the Stars' as well

BOYZ II MEN INVITES HINES WARD TO JOIN GROUP

"We don't know if he can sing or not," says member Nathan Morris. "But we wouldn't mind tapping into his popularity."

WOMEN'S RESTAURANT CREATES RISQUE MARKETING CAMPAIGN FEATURING BRUNNER AD EXECUTIVES

"If they can create 'provocative' female-themed drink coasters with holes in them, then we can create 3-D placemats suggesting castration," one owner says

DOWNTOWN - A recent controversy over an ad campaign for Papa J's Centro has led to a counter-campaign by an East Liberty restaurant. Feed the Earth, a vegetarian eatery owned and run exclusively by women, started its first-ever marketing effort to counter the Centro campaign created by Brunner advertising agency.

Brunner's ads and in-restaurant items played up the location's reputed history as a brothel. Ads suggested women as being "easy," and used "redheaded slut" as a drink name. But perhaps the most offensive items were drink coasters with strategically-placed holes depicting women, with suggestions of inserting fingers into the holes. Brunner president Scott Morgan defended the work, which drew criticism from local universities and PR executives.

"[Scott Morgan] thinks he's clever," said Susan Messner, one of the owners of Feed the Earth. "Demeaning women in sexual terms for amusement - yeah, that's really original."

Messner said she and the other four owners decided to fight fire with fire. "We started brainstorming ideas of our own. One of the owners is really good with origami. She folded a placemat just right so it looks like a male figure complete with genitalia. Then another woman drew caricatures of Morgan onto the figure. Now we're going put them out on our tables with pairs of scissors. I don't even think we'll have to write out instructions to tell our customers what to do."

Messner does not expect backlash from the marketing campaign. "I think our diners will really enjoy this," she said. "And if Mr. Morgan calls to complain about being castrated, I'll just tell him what he said: 'Creativity can be very provocative and very polarizing.' That should shut him up."

STATE CAPITOL STATUES EMBARRASSED BY PORTABLE TOILETS AT THEIR FEET

STEELERS FANS WONDER IF 'DWTS' IS OUT TO GET HINES WARD

"They put him in a white uniform like it was an away game, and then they celebrated Patriots' Day," one fan grouses. "Everybody knows they observe Patriots' Day only in New England."

PITTSBURGH - Steelers blogs and message boards are alive with conspiracies that the producers of 'Dancing with the Stars' were trying to knock Hines Ward off his game on Monday night's show. Although Ward danced very well, several key elements from previous weeks were missing.

"First of all, where was the black and gold costume?" said local fan Jack Dammer. They had him wear a white Naval uniform. He looked sharp, but it's like they were sending him into a hostile stadium for an away game.

"Maybe they were trying to get inside Hines' head," Dammer said. "They kept repeating the word 'patriots.' I guess they were trying to hint at the fact that we don't always beat New England in football, like we do to, say, Cleveland. Oh well, it didn't work."

Indeed. Despite the odd juxtaposition of a sultry dance and the song 'Proud to Be an American,' Ward and Johnson came in first place for the night with 27 total points. "It was a weird night with the dances and the patriotic music choices," Dammer says, "but I laughed when Hines said he 'made pillow love' to practice without his partner. I'm just glad he didn't try that with the Terrible Towel. That would taken the bizarreness of the night to a whole new level."

LOCAL DOG JUST WANTS TO BE ACCEPTED FOR WHO HE IS

"I don't understand why they try to turn me into a rabbit," springer spaniel says.
"Why aren't I good enough the way I am?"

ICEBURGH AND THE PIRATE PARROT: SEPARATED AT BIRTH

ATTENTION 'DANCING WITH THE STARS' CONTESTANTS: JUST GIVE UP NOW

All of Steelers Nation has Hines Ward's phone number pre-programmed into their list of contacts

JAMES HARRISON BODYSLAMS 'DWTS' JUDGE LEN GOODMAN FOR GIVING HINES WARD A LOWLY SCORE OF 8

NFL Commissioner declines to issue fine, calls the hit "justified"

HOLLYWOOD - 'Dancing with the Stars' producers will decide this week if Steelers players will be allowed in the ballroom for future episodes after an incident Monday night involving linebacker James Harrison and head judge Len Goodman.

About midway through the show, Hines Ward and his partner, Kym Johnson, danced the paso doble. Attired in now-familiar black-and-gold costumes, the pair wowed the crowd and the judges with a dramatic performance. But when the scores were revealed, both Len Goodman and fellow judge Bruno Tonioli gave Ward no more than an eight out of ten.

Harrison admits he was on edge all evening. "Early on in the show, they showed Hines wearing a Viking helmet. For a minute, I thought he was being traded to Minnesota. And I was nervous for him before the dance. But he did a great job - it was right up there with our defense's quarterback sack dances.

"I just felt Hines deserved more than eight points, and I made my feelings known to Goodman in the best way I know how. I just hope I don't get fined for it."

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said later that there will be no fine. "That hit was definitely justified," he said. "Hines deserved better scores. I just hope the NFLPA doesn't challenge the owners to a dance-off to settle our differences, because the owners will be screwed."

After the tackle, Mr. Goodman stayed crumpled in a heap, although it is unclear if he was injured or merely afraid to get back up and risk being hit again. Tonioli was last seen running away, screaming.

OBAMA REGRETS VOTING AGAINST RAISING DEBT LIMIT IN 2006

"The President thinks it was a mistake to vote 'no,'" spokesman Jay Carney says. "He now believes he should have voted 'present.'"

MOCKINGBURGH POLL: HOW DO YOU MAKE HINES WARD STOP SMILING?

On Monday's 'Dancing with the Stars,' Hines Ward and Kym Johnson will perform the paso doble, which requires a stern look on the faces of the dancers. What would you say to Ward to make him stop smiling?

A) You don't really hit pass defenders that hard.

B) Butler University's bulldog is better than Georgia's bulldog.

C) We still love Troy Polamalu more.

GOVERNMENT SHUT-DOWN AVERTED

Smokey Bear not furloughed into the woods; keeps his paycheck and pants

CHARLIE SHEEN WANTS MILA KUNIS AS THIRD GODDESS

"It's an incredible opportunity for her," one Hollywood publicist says. "What young actress wouldn't want to be involved with a 45-year-old drug user with five kids and a history of domestic violence?"

MOCKINGBURGH POLL: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF HINES WARD'S SONG SELECTION ON 'DWTS'?

87% - A tribute to Mom is always a good idea

13% - A little disappointed he didn't choose 'Renegade'

ATTENTION GOOGLE USERS: IT'S 'HINES' WARD, NOT 'HEINZ' WARD

COMMENTARY - One of the beauties of Blogger is that I can see where viewers are coming from, and what they are searching for when they come across Mockingburgh. After two weeks of 'Dancing with the Stars,' it is now apparent that:


1) Hines Ward has a lot of fans.

2) Not many people know how to spell Hines.

Yes, our favorite hard-hitting wide receiver has an identity crisis. Here's a few helpful hints for the few of you who aren't die-hard Steelers fans:
1. Hines Ward is the player; Heinz Field is where he plays.
2. He wears number 86, not 57.
3. Hines dances on TV, but there could be a Heinz commercial on TV as well.

It's OK if you've gotten it wrong to this point. Just vote early and often! There's no spelling involved, just numbers.

LABOR RALLY MARKS MLK ANNIVERSARY, PROTESTS MARCELLUS SHALE, SPENDING CUTS, BAD WEATHER, STEELERS' SUPER BOWL LOSS

"We would have covered more topics, but we had only 90 minutes," labor leader says