Friday, February 15, 2013

MOCKINGBURGH SURVEY: RENAMING HEINZ FIELD


Although Heinz had agreed to pay $57 million over twenty years for the naming rights to the Steelers' stadium, that could change with the purchase of H. J. Heinz yesterday. What do you think would be a better name?

A) 3G Rivers Stadium

B) Forbes Chevrolet Field

C) Taxpayers' Money Pitt

Thursday, February 14, 2013

MOCKINGBURGH POLL: WHAT OTHER LOCAL BUSINESS SHOULD WARREN BUFFETT BUY?



13% - Diverse Public Safety Consultants

87% - The Pirates, if there is a God in Heaven

Monday, February 11, 2013

POLL: PITTSBURGHERS WILLING TO GIVE ONE LOMBARDI TROPHY TO VATICAN FOR NAMING CARDINAL WUERL AS POPE


DOWNTOWN - Pittsburghers want one of their own in the top spot of the Vatican, and they are willing to give up a Lombardi Trophy to sweeten the deal, a new poll indicates.

Donald Cardinal Wuerl was the wildly-popular bishop of Pittsburgh before he became archbishop of Washington, DC. He was elevated to Cardinal by Pope Benedict XVI,  who announced he will step down at the end of February. That has set off speculation of who will be selected the next Pope.

"I think it'd be great," retired school teacher Susie Messner said today. "He's a local boy who made good.  He's holy. I've been to every one of his installations, and I wouldn't mind a Spring trip to Rome."

But as is the case for many institutions, politics will come into play in the selection. "I know they just don't pick the holiest guy," Messner said. "If we have to add a few incentives, we will. I'm even willing to throw a Lombardi Trophy into the mix."

Messner is not alone, as 87% of Pittsburgh Catholics agree with her. It is unclear if Vatican officials understand what a Lombardi Trophy is, but "They should. How could they not know the Rooneys? They had a priest in the family, and that's gotta count for something over there. Maybe Dan Rooney could put in a good word for Wuerl, as long as it doesn't take too much time from him trying to fix the offense."

The conclave to elect a new Pope will be held in mid-March, and outsiders will not know the result until the new pontiff appears on a Vatican balcony. But Messner sees a possible Wuerl selection as good for him, the city, and its favorite team.

"I'm sure it'd be good for the Steelers, even if we'd be down to five trophies temporarily. Wuerl would have God's ear. I'm sure he'd let God know to send a few more Lombardi's our way."

MOCKINGBURGH SURVEY: THE POPE'S RESIGNATION



On Monday, Pope Benedict announced that he will step down from the Chair of St. Peter as of February 28. Why do you think he is doing this?


A) He's getting out before he has to wash any more feet

B) Too many events are cutting into his Twitter time

C) His cats want more room

D) Who wants to work when they're 85?

Monday, February 4, 2013

STEELERS FANS LOOK FOR SILVER LINING AFTER RAVENS' SUPER BOWL WIN


Pittsburghers end up finding six silver linings

Sunday, February 3, 2013

SUPER BOWL POWER OUTAGE SPONSORED BY PACIFIC GAS & ELECTRIC


"We're not just about blackouts at Candlestick Park anymore, and we wanted to demonstrate that on a big stage," spokesman says

Friday, February 1, 2013

MOCKINGBURGH SURVEY: WHAT WILL PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL ANNOUCE ON GROUNDHOG DAY?

A) Support for a ban on all guns, especially ones used in hunting

B) Opposition to the British takeover of the Pennsylvania lottery, including their hedgehog mascot

C) His retirement, after 17 seasons

D) Six more weeks of winter

PA DEER CLAIMS RAY LEWIS MURDERED HIS FATHER

"He came for my father's antlers and now he's coming for mine," young buck says