MOCKINGBURGH SURVEY: THE SOUTH HILLS VILLAGE MALL BOMB THREAT

 Late Sunday, a man claimed to have a bomb in his bag at the Village. What do you think of this?

13% - Good thing they took the birds and fish out years ago so they are safe

87% - That's what you have to expect when you have a Target

MOCKINGBURGH FIRES COLUMNIST IN WAKE OF SECRET SOCIETY ALLEGATIONS

COMMENTARY - Today I announce the firing of myself as a columnist for this fine website because of my membership in a secret society.   I fear that my membership in Quill and Dagger at Cornell may give the appearance of impropriety to a blog I love working for. 

I came to this conclusion after The Pitt News fired a columnist for being a member of the Druids, a secret society at Pitt. Apparently there is something sinister about an honor society that promotes campus leadership, even if they would laugh at that notion at one of their "meetings."

I can't ignore my own experience with Q&D, as we "tapped" members refer to it. I was picked up for the induction ceremony by robed figures in the darkness one Spring morning in 1985; the Druids have robes. We had a meeting place, as do the Druids. And there's probably some booze involved; the last time I was in the Q&D Tower (if it really exists on Cornell's west campus; I won't confirm or deny), they had a nice selection of alcoholic beverages.

I nearly decided to allow myself to continue writing based on the fact that Q&D's official colors are black and gold (Seriously. You could look it up in 'Quill and Dagger - a History'  by Clark Northrup 1893 if you were allowed access to it, which you are not.). But I can't allow the specter of a secret cabal of one hooded figure undermine this website. A search for a new columnist will commence immediately; members of Sphinx Head need not apply. You know who you are, even if nobody else does.

MOCKINGBURGH POLL: WHAT RECENT PITTSBURGH FOOD TREND WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO TRY?

 13% - That noodle soup with the skin and bones

87% - Definitely the SPAM potato perogie casserole