PITTSBURGH POLICE CHIEF BREAKS ARM WHILE PATTING HIMSELF ON THE BACK

Chief cites his "proactive efforts" for safe Light Up Night and peaceful political protests; "I am just that good," McLay says

PENNSYLVANIA BEARS 'CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC' ABOUT UPCOMING RIVALRY GAME WITH HUNTERS

"We think we've prepared pretty well this season," coach Papa "Bear" Bryant says. "More like Steelers against the Colts, not Steelers against the Jets."

SOMEWHERE IN PENN'S WOODS --  Thanksgiving week is the traditional time for some of the nation's most-storied rivalries: Harvard - Yale.  Cornell - Penn. Oregon - Oregon State. And in Pennsylvania, it's  hunters vs. bears.

So far, the rivalry has been lopsided, with the bears repeatedly losing a number of key players early, allowing the hunters to run up the score. But with a new coach and better planning, the bears are cautiously optimistic about coming out on top this year.

Papa "Bear" Bryant was lured out of retirement with a trail of donuts that led to bear team headquarters in Potter County. After reviewing Game Commission tapes of previous seasons, he set about improving the bears' game in all three phases.

"We had a great defensive effort in the first half (archery season)," Bryant said. "It was really cold, so our guys just went into den mode. We like to call it 'Cover 4.'

"Now it's time for special teams and offense to take over. We haven't really had any special teams in the past, but this year we drafted a bunch of 8- and 10-point bucks out of the white-tail division. We're going to send them out there to distract the hunters. The bucks know no one can get a shot at them, so they have a certain amount of swagger. I just hope they are disciplined enough not to get a lot of taunting penalties."

As for offensive plans, Bryant declined to provide many details. "We don't want the other team to know our playbook ahead of time," he said. "But I will say we really rely on a running game."

TIMES SQUARE DEBT CLOCK NOW TRACKING NUMBER OF BILL COSBY'S ALLEGED VICTIMS

POLICE CHIEF 'MILDLY DISAPPOINTED' THAT LIGHT-UP NIGHT WENT OFF WITHOUT A HITCH

"I was hoping for some crimes so my buddy -- I mean, ESM Advisors -- would have some data to work with on their consulting contract," Chief McLay says

PITTSBURGH POLICE CHIEF WARNS PEOPLE AWAY FROM LIGHT UP NIGHT; ALSO HOPES FOR NO MORE SUPER BOWL VICTORY PARADES

"Anytime you have 200,000 people celebrating the Sparkle Season, there will be massive, massive problems, including gang shootings and political protests," Cameron McLay said. "And I've heard even more people will come out for a Steelers' Super Bowl parade, so I don't want any of those on my watch, either."

PENS SEND OUT NEW TWEET AFTER STEELERS' LOSS

"WTH?? We could have beaten the NY Jets, and we don't even play football."

MOCKINGBURGH SURVEY: THE STEELERS' LOSS TO THE JETS

 The Steelers underperformed again, losing to the lowly Jets by a score of 20-13.  What do you think about this?

 A) @$*!!&#!

B) They're returning to their pre-season form

C) Shoulda worn the bumble bee shirts

D) Oooh, Snoop Dog is gonna be mad....

E) I guess Tennessee can count on a win next Monday 

CORBETT CAMPAIGN RUSHES NEW COMMERCIAL TO AIRWAVES

"Tom Wolf was not endorsed by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette! I'm Tom Corbett, and I approve that message."

MOCKINGBURGH POLL: WHO WILL BID ON THE SHERIFF'S SALE OF THE AUGUST WILSON CENTER?

A) The coalition of Pittsburgh foundations, to preserve the center's mission

B) 980 Liberty Partners, to build a hotel

C) International Investigative Services, to get some fancy new digs as their headquarters