HUNDREDS RUSH TO BUY WATERMELONS AFTER SEEING "REALLY COOL" WAY TO BLOW THEM UP WITH FIREWORKS

MOCKINGBURGH POLL: BEN ROETHLISBERGER AND KYM JOHNSON

Hines Ward recently discussed his appointment as a goodwill ambassador, a promotional agreement with Craftsman tools, and his appearance on 'Dancing with the Stars.' In that interview, Ward said of Roethlisberger's upcoming wedding, "If [Ben] wants Kym Johnson to teach him that first dance, she's more than welcome to it." Our question: Should Kym Johnson teach Ben Roethlisberger to dance?

87% - No no no no no

13% - Are you crazy?

SOUTHWEST PILOT RANTS ABOUT AIRLINE'S 'BAGS FLY FREE' POLICY ON AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL CHANNEL

"Why do they even let old bags be flight attendants?" pilot asks

THE LETTER 'E' ANNOUNCES IT IS LEAVING NEWT GINGRICH'S CAMPAIGN

WASHINGTON, DC - In the latest blow to the flailing Gingrich campaign, the letter 'e' has resigned from the candidate's first name. Earlier this month, sixteen top advisors left, and chief fundraisers Jody Tomas and Mary Heitman left on Tuesday.

"I'm getting out," 'e' said today. "I can no longer be silent. This guy is going down, and I'm not going down with him."

E said he tried to stay above the internal turmoil, but the candidate's trip to Greece proved to be a turning point. "I asked to go with him and [Newt's wife] Callista, but he told me there is no 'e' in 'vacation.' I was more than a little insulted. Maybe I can hook up with another candidate's name -- John Huntsman seems like he could make some room for me."

The Gingrich campaign wished 'e' well, but said they will carry on without him. "Nwt 2012 will continu its organization and alignmnt as a grassroots-drivn, substantiv, solutions-orintd campaign," spokesman R. C. Hammond said.

MOCKINGBURGH POLL: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PACKERS' SUPER BOWL RING?

13% - That thing is FUGLY

87% - I have studiously avoided all news coverage and photos of this particular piece of jewelry

MOCKINGBURGH POLL: HOW SHOULD PITTSBURGH MARK THE PIRATES' RECORD BEING ABOVE .500?

13% - Parade

87% - Riot

MOCKINGBURGH POLL: THE 2016 PITT-PENN STATE GAME

In 2016, when Pitt and Penn State will renew their football rivalry, Joe Paterno will be 90 years old. Do you think Joe will still be head coach?


13% - Yes

87% - Joe will outlive us all

MIDDLE-AGED MAN WHO POSED AS LESBIAN BLOGGER "CREEPED OUT" THAT ANOTHER MIDDLE-AGED MAN POSING AS A LESBIAN BLOGGER FLIRTED WITH HIM

"That's just wrong," Tom MacMaster says

HATFIELD, MCCOY DECRY WVU FOOTBALL COACHES' CONFLICT

"Sure, I feuded with McCoy," Hatfield says, "but I never stooped so low as to try to dig up dirt on him."

HOMELESS AIREDALE "DISAPPOINTED" SHE WASN'T PICKED FOR GOVERNOR'S HOME

HARRISBURG - When Pennsylvania Governor Tom Corbett announced today he had purchased two Airedale puppies, at least one shelter dog was disappointed.

"I guess I'm happy for the other dogs, but I wanted to be adopted," said Kelly, a young Airedale from southeastern Pennsylvania. "The governor's mansion would be sweet. But really, I would take any home that would take care of me."

Kelly points out that she probably would have been better behaved than new puppies. "I know everybody thinks puppies are cute, but, geez, they crap and pee all over the place," the dog said. "I'm not sure the good people of Pennsylvania want all that mess in what really is their house. At least I would have waited till I got outside."

Meanwhile, Kelly is trying to keep a positive attitude. "Nobody wants a depressed dog, so I'll keep my tail wagging and hope someone comes along," the terrier said. "And maybe I'll find someone better than the governor. I wasn't that crazy about his position on Marcellus Shale drilling anyway."

TOM CORBETT SAYS HE DIDN'T ASK FOR NEW SUV

"I gave it to the state police commissioner, 'You decide what we need to be riding in,'" governor says. "This is a security issue to them."

RASH OF NAKED JOGGERS LEADS LOCAL WOMEN TO CALL FOR INCREASED PHYSICAL FITNESS AMONG MEN

"You'd think those guys would be in shape since they're runners, but sadly it's just not true," retired teacher Susie Messner says. "I'm going to suggest they hit the gym before they run naked."

'THE DARK KNIGHT RISES' LOOKING FOR EXTRAS TO APPEAR IN FILM

"Fans of the Batman series can experience the mind-numbingly slow pace of filming and earn $58 at the same time," publicist enthuses