STATE COLLEGE - Penn State has formed a commission to review all on-campus speech for possible connections to the Jerry Sandusky scandal. University President Rodney Erickson announced the panel in Old Main today.
The new restrictions come after the football program decided to ban "Sweet Caroline" from being sung at the stadium. University officials were concerned that the lyrics, "Hands/touching hands/reaching out.../touching me/touching youuuuu" would be construed as a reference to child sexual abuse.
"We will do anything that the NCAA, government officials and personal injury lawyers tell us to do," the president said. "If someone can twist a phrase or action into some reference to the Sandusky scandal, it's history."
First to go: a cup of Joe. "Clearly the NCAA has told us to totally disavow The Coach Who Must Not Be Named," Erickson said. "From now on, all Penn State dining rooms and catered events will serve coffee only. I mean, other beverages will be available, but we're not going to use the casual reference to it anymore. And by 'it,' I mean the phrase about a container, either paper or clay-based, that holds a shortened form of a common name for a man."
Other terms under review include "mile," and "shower," and a possible ban of all men named Jerry from campus.
Erickson said more music could be stricken. "We're taking a hard look at 'Louie, Louie,'" he said. "No one can tell exactly what they're saying, but it could be dirty. We can't take the chance someone, somewhere, might think we're insensitive."
"We want to show the world we'll bend over backwards to cleanse the university," he said. "But maybe I should re-phrase that."
