Mockingburgh

Monday, August 29, 2016

MOCKINGBURGH SURVEY: A VOTER'S SURVIVAL GUIDE

The Post-Gazette has an online Voter's Survival Guide listing how to register to vote and outlining the races and candidates for the Nov. 8 election. What are you doing to survive as a voter?

A) I am reading as much as I can about all the candidates

B) I am not paying attention till after Labor Day

C) I am not paying attention till Nov. 7

D) I just want Donald Trump to stop calling me

Friday, August 26, 2016

MOCKINGBURGH SURVEY: PITTSBURGH'S 'DINER EN BLANC'

On Saturday, Pittsburgh will be one of many cities holding an outdoor dinner where attendees are required to wear all-white clothing; bring their own white tables, plates, and tablecloth; and haul it all to a secret location. Attendees must be invited, pay a $45 fee, and then pay for a meal and wine. What do you think about this?

A) I don't know who's organizing it, but it sounds like a pretty good con

B) Sounds utterly pretentious

C) I don't go anywhere I can't wear black and gold

Monday, July 4, 2016

FROM THE 1776 MOCKINGBURGH ARCHIVES: AMERICANS CHOOSE TO 'BREXIT'

PHILADELPHIA - Financial markets were roiled today as colonists voted overwhelmingly to exit the British Empire.

Polls leading up to the vote had indicated that the vote would be close, but a declaration written by Thomas Jefferson in the last few days seems to have turned the tide. "I think We the People got tired of being told what to do and how much to pay for it by a bunch of bureaucrats in a foreign land," Mr. Jefferson said today. "Once British leaders calm down about this, I'm sure we'll be able to negotiate an orderly way to dissolve the Political Bands that connect us."

But Benedict Arnold, one of the leaders of the "Remain" movement, said Americans will come to regret their decision. "There's no doubt Britian will cut ties and refuse to do business with us in the future," he said. Asked to comment on reports that a number of people are expected to return to Britain instead of living here, Arnold said, "I'm not sure what I am going to about this yet."

King George III was unavailable for comment, but Prime Minister William Pitt was critical. "If they want to leave, let 'em," he said. "We want nothing to do with them. And they can take my name off that fort where the Allegheny and Mon rivers meet to form the Ohio."