PLUM STUDENTS SIDE WITH MAN WHO WANTED HIS CHICKEN FRIED, NOT BAKED

High schoolers believe portion should have been larger as well

PLUM STUDENTS LAUNCH TWITTER PROTEST OF HEALTHIER, LOWER-CALORIE SCHOOL LUNCHES

Also demand a non-fruit option for the boro name, such as Nachos

PENN STATE TO BAN 'SWEET CAROLINE,' 'CUP OF JOE' AND ANYTHING ELSE EVEN REMOTELY LINKED TO THE SANDUSKY SCANDAL

 STATE COLLEGE -  Penn State has formed a commission to review all on-campus speech for possible connections to the Jerry Sandusky scandal. University President Rodney Erickson  announced the panel in Old Main today.

The new restrictions come after the football program decided to ban "Sweet Caroline" from being sung at the stadium. University officials were concerned that the lyrics, "Hands/touching hands/reaching out.../touching me/touching youuuuu" would be construed as a reference to child sexual abuse.

"We will do anything that the NCAA, government officials and personal injury lawyers tell us to do," the president said. "If someone can twist  a phrase or action into some reference to the Sandusky scandal, it's history."

First to go:  a cup of Joe. "Clearly the NCAA has told us to totally disavow The Coach Who Must Not Be Named," Erickson said. "From now on, all Penn State dining rooms and catered events will serve coffee only. I mean, other beverages will be available, but we're not going to use the casual reference to it anymore. And by 'it,' I mean the phrase about a container, either paper or clay-based, that holds a shortened form of a common name for a man."

Other terms under review include "mile," and "shower," and a possible ban of all men named Jerry from campus.

Erickson said more music could be stricken. "We're taking a hard look at 'Louie, Louie,'" he said. "No one can tell exactly what they're saying, but it could be dirty. We can't take the chance someone, somewhere, might think we're insensitive."

"We want to show the world we'll bend over backwards to cleanse the university," he said. "But maybe I should re-phrase that."

MOCKINGBURGH POLL: MIKE WALLACE'S RETURN TO THE STEELERS

On August 28, wide receiver Mike Wallace finally reported to the Steelers, after missing all of training camp in Latrobe and the first three preseason games. What do you think delayed him?

A) Was waiting for Fall fashion's red trend to hit the stores

B) Didn't want to fight Ike Taylor

C) Benedictine monks give him the heebee jeebees

D) Money

HARRISBURG PATRIOT-NEWS TO BEGIN PUBLISHING ONLY THREE DAYS A WEEK

Local pet birds, shelter animals to poop on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays only starting in 2013

ROETHLISBERGER STUNNED AS MIKE TOMLIN ANNOUNCES THAT "WE HAVE DECIDED TO GO IN A DIFFERENT DIRECTION'

TOMLIN FIRES NFL OFFICIALS, CITES 'PHILOSOPHICAL DIFFERENCES WITH MANAGEMENT'

MOCKINGBURGH POLL: NEW SECURITY MEASURES AT HEINZ FIELD

The NFL is now requiring that all fans must be searched for weapons prior to entering any stadium. What do you think of this?

13% - It's a sign of the times

87% - If it was the government doing it I'd be up in arms, but since it's a private monopoly with minimally-trained personnel, I guess that's OK

STEELERS' AL WOODS NAMED TO US OLYMPIC RELAY TEAM

"We think he brings something unique," relay Jon Drummond coach  says. "He had a great grip on that football, so we don't think he'll have any problems with the baton. And the other teams will lose focus when they see the big guy motoring down the track."

MOCKINGBURG POLL: ARE YOU STILL WATCHING THE OLYMPICS?

 The Olympics have been on for more than a week now. Are you watching more or less?

13% - More, because I love the broken-up, delayed style of NBC

87% - Less, because the only thing more boring than track is field

ANOTHER PENNSYLVANIAN SHOOTS HIMSELF WHILE TRYING TO KILL GROUNDHOG IN YARD

Mercersburg man latest victim; "It was funny the first few times, but now it's getting pathetic," spokesmarmot says

ASIAN BADMINTON ATHLETES ADOPT NEW OLYMPIC MOTTO

Tardius, Inferior, Infirmior* 



*Slower, lower, weaker