Thursday, February 4, 2016

LOCAL PIZZERIA OWNER DOING ANNUAL DANCE AROUND THE "FOOTBALL-GAME-THAT-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED"


 SOUTH SIDE -  Although Broncos and Panthers fans are eager to see how the Super Bowl ends, local pizzeria owner Vincenzo Grazio will be even happier to see the final seconds tick off. In the week preceding the game each year, he has to duck and weave to promote his business without mentioning the name of the game.

The NFL is notorious for tracking down any business that dares to use the 'Super Bowl' name without getting permission. Most businesses get around the trademark by using phrases like "the big game," or "football Sunday," but Grazio is wary of that. "One of my employees might slip up and use the name of the football-game-that-must-not-be-named. I tried putting up a "Don't say Super Bowl" sign by the phone, but these brainiacs  read the sign along with our usual greeting when they answered the phone. I tried putting out swear jar and fining anyone who said the phrase, but the jar filled up so fast one of the customers stole it.  I lost like five hundred bucks."

Grazio expects to sell hundreds of pizzas on Sunday, but, he says, "It's the most stressful day of the year. In fact, I know a bunch of pizza guys who've had heart attacks on Super Bowl Sunday. It's not the workload, it's the pressure to avoid saying certain things. I think a bunch of them would rather shovel snow all day, because that would be easier on their hearts."

"If somebody calls and asks if I have a Super Bowl special, I just hang up on them," Grazio says. "It could be a set-up and Lord Voldemort --- yikes, I mean Goodell --- could show up. I can't take that chance for a twelve-dollar pie."