Militias form as Maine moves to claim the lard-filled pie as official state dessert
LANCASTER - Fears of a new Civil War mounted today as Maine moved to name the whoopie pie as the official state dessert. The Keystone State claims the cake-and-cream combo originated in Pennsylvania Dutch country in the 1800's, not in Maine.
Holding a sign that read, 'Give Me Whoopie or Give Me Death,' 21-year-old Josh Graupera of Lancaster vowed to defend the state's rights. "They're crazy if they think they came up with it," Graupera said. "It's not for nothing they were named the dumbest state," he said, referring to TIME Magazine's 'Why Your State Sucks' list, which ranked Maine first in stupidity. "We will fight them until they say 'uncle,' even though it'll be hard to know what they are saying with that stupid accent of theirs. This confectionary larceny will not stand."
Maine partisans were equally fiery. "We will not surrender to that den of inequity to our south," said Maine representative Donald Pilon. "And do you think we're afraid of a bunch of Quakers? Hell no! I don't think they even have the guts to fight. We will pelt them with blueberries and lobsters until they run away screaming."
Through a spokesman, Hillary Clinton declined to get involved in the dispute at Maine's request, pointing out that the State Department generally does not deal with issues among the fifty states.
